i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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