she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
