you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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