The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nutella sex= disaster
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
