i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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