Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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