it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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