I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize