i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think i have herpe
just one?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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