Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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