i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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