dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
