I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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