So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
