who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
