My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
