I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
