made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
