She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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