She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
