I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
