He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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