arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize