she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
