yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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