i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
