MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
