My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
