"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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