people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
