She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize