put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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