What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
