he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
