If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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