also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
