My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize