My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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