dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
