Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
