explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize