That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
