I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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