Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
