Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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