Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
