just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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