You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
