I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
