I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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