my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
