So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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