Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
