I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to calm my uterus...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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