Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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