You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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