what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
