When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
