when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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