Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize