worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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