thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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