OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize