Having a random hookup so left but love u
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
