her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
