then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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