Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
