foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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