You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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