it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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