pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
