brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
