I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Bring me that man meat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I want a musical about memes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
